THE BIG DATING NAP
it’s time to take some constructive rest…and not date
When we’re single…
We tend to start the New Year with all these grand plans and goals and strategies to meet “our person.” We revamp our profile. We start swiping. We tell ourselves, “It’s going to be different this time.”
I LOVE BREAKS.
We don’t tend to think dating = I get to take a break.
We think I need to do something NOW and make this HAPPEN.
We think “I need to meet this person as quickly as possible so I’m not the only single person and can have a baby and buy the house and and and!!!”
And I SO get that. I know timelines are real, especially fertility ones. I know even though Western Society has conditioned us that success = our life looking a certain way at a certain time (i.e. marriage, babies, money, etc.), that we still hold valid and genuine desires. Meaning, it’s ok if you hunger to be married and have babies at a certain point. I’m right there with you.
The thing is, you will actually arrive at those desires faster by slowing down. By taking a very intentional break. By looking back before you spring forward.
I never thought of myself as a “good dater” NOR A “dating expert.”
I still don’t. What I am very good at is implementing practices that helped me get to know myself, understand my intimacy patterns and maintain my resilience in the dating process (and now my marriage).
One of my main practices to both maintaining my sanity and actually experiencing joy and ease in dating was breaks. Yes, dating BREAKS. And I took them liberally.
some were 6 days, some 6 weeks, some 6+ months.
You see, I really didn’t start dating until I was an adult (28 to be exact). So even though I was all “I need to meet someone by 30...” (and then that timeline kept getting pushed), life in my late 20s was pretty hard. My dad died. I ended a nearly 7 year relationship. I shut down my digital marketing business and completely changed my career.
So while I was all “I need to date and want to meet someone” I also knew I really, really needed to take care of myself. The truth is, this is ALWAYS the case.
My breaks were anywhere from 6 days to 6 weeks to 6+ months. The time wasn’t specific. It was the goal of going inward and looking closely at myself that got all the attention.
A lot of us SAY we’re going to do this, but we don’t actually do it. We maybe take a break from the apps. We maybe crack open a self help book. We maybe journal on some of our feelings. And then….we get lost in work or other areas of our life where we feel like we have control and either stop dating all together or swipe mindlessly.
we watch bravo. we scroll instagram. we work more. we rarely explore questions like:
Why do I have so much resistance to dating?
Why does dating make me feel so shitty?
Why do I rarely get beyond the first date?
Why don’t I ever meet people I connect with?
Why am I still messaging with Dylan from 2016?
Why am I wracked with anxiety?
What is the Big Dating nap?
It’s a four week period dedicated to rest and developing a deeper awareness around your dating patterns.
It’s a period to actively NOT date so you can devote your time and energy to understanding the bigger picture of your romantic patterns.
To not swipe and text and Google dating advice and instead taking stock.
What has been going down dating wise that’s begging for your understanding before you venture out there again?
With awareness and clarity, then, when you go back to date, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to move forward in a way that brings more ease and fulfillment to your dating life.
In short, it won’t feel as shitty and you’ll move towards meeting people you actually connect with.
HERE’S WHAT’S INCLUDED
Big Dating Nap Playbook + Guide
This is your detailed and nourishing roadmap for our time together. It includes the activities list for rest and reflection, weekly journaling questions, exclusive content all about how to make the most of dating breaks. It’s designed to completely reframe your approach to dating in 2024 and mimics the practice I use personally and with all my clients. This is an ongoing resource you can lean on well beyond our time together.
Surprise Sessions
Never before released lessons with me on how to change your dating patterns and experience in 2024 (prepare for things to get fun and funky).
Weekly Journaling Prompts
The prompts that are designed to give you radical clarity on aaallll your dating stuff. I’ve been creating written exercises of this kind for a decade, and lemme just tell you, they WORK. I start every client this way and they inevitably say before we’ve even dug in “OMG I’ve already learned so much.” This is going to bring such relief and self awareness.
Content Library + Quiz
I’ve spent the last decade collecting articles, podcasts and books that are perfectly designed to amplify our self reflection. Basically deliver more of those “OOOOmg that’s so me!” moments and identify concrete next steps to create change in your romantic life. I’m also weaving in a quiz to help you determine your “content type,” and which resources best fit your dating patterns and obstacles so you can better work through them.
Exclusive Interviews w/ Former Clients
3 exclusive interviews with former clients now in long term relationships and/or married around their own individual dating breaks. These conversations will help you make the most of the BDN and understand how to integrate future periods of reflection.
All of this costs just $39.00
how much time is required?
You can put as much or as little time into the BDN as you’d like. To get the most out of it during this 4 week period, I recommend allotting a minimum of 1-2 hrs/week, but you’ll be given resources to do WAY more. As I said above, while this is a dedicated break, everything in the program can be treated as an ongoing resource.
ARE THERE ANY live sessions?
Other than weekly office hours which will be done at a mix of times to accommodate all time zones, there are no live sessions.
HOW LONG WILL I HAVE ACCESS TO THE CONTENT?
Forever.
What if i want to do this but i’m currently seeing someone and still want to explore it? Can I keep seeing them but still do this?
You can take and treat The Big Dating Nap however you like, and benefit tremendously. Before deciding whether you want to pull this person into the experience, I recommend listening to episode 78 on situation-ships and episode 88 on whether you should stay or go, to determine whether you stop seeing someone. That said, you might be dating someone great who is well worth exploring! The core of the BDN is helping you understand your dating patterns and obstacles, basically the things that make dating and relationships uniquely hard and sticky for you. That’s always good stuff to be learning and will tremendously benefit any relationship you entertain.
Here’s what I don’t recommend doing: Dipping a toe in this course while still putzing around on the apps and not dedicating anytime to looking inward. That’s a big waste of money.
What if I don’t like it and want my money back?
You’ll have 14 days to explore the course after which point if you’re like “Nope, not for me,” you’ll be able to get a full refund. Please note your refund MUST be processed through Teachable (you’ll receive instructions via email) where the program content is hosted. No refunds can be processed at 14 days.
Question not listed here? DM me.
Let’s do this (and not date) ! How do I get started?
Sign up below to gain access to the online portal. You’ll receive immediate access to the dating meditations and course discount, as well as the welcome video.
Clara has been a gift I wish I could bestow on any woman who finds herself adrift from where she wants to be and needs support to define her goal and actually get there. For the first time in the last eight years, I am actually excited and optimistic about my future.
I had worked with therapists and life coaches before working with Clara. Either there wasn’t a great connection to support vulnerability and trust, or I felt criticized for some of the things I knew I needed to work on. Often I felt like I was talking at a nodding head with empathetic eyes.
Clara is so different. She creates a safe, welcoming and shared space so that I can and want to share everything I am (especially what I’m afraid to share). The multi-modal approach of journaling, voice messages and coaching sessions makes vulnerability, reflection and discovery accessible and substantive. The podcasts, books, exercises and journaling prompts she weaves into our work together feel intelligent and tactical.
She tells me what I need to hear in a way I need to hear it.