Wanting A Partner Doesn't Make You Desperate

Wanting a partner, specifically a husband, in the #allthesingleladies age or #hotgirlsummer or whatever is currently trending is....not very cool. Being an independent woman who supposedly doesn’t give a shit about a man is lauded as strong, powerful, and in many ways, the epitome of feminism. And I get it. I GET it. You best believe I want my equal pay, dramatically improved childcare standards, and for people like Harvey Weinstein to burn in fiery hell (among other things).

But I've found that tendency to jump to "If he doesn't like me, than fuck him. I don't give a shit," serves as a sly scapegoat to both bury our loneliness and our genuine desire to share our life with someone. In single-hood and dating, nonchalance is societally rewarded.

Despite our rational beliefs, from pop stars to Instagram memes, it's suggested we can either be partnered or we can be independent. We can either be a cool, independent girl or we can want a relationship. This subsequently turns wanting a partner into being desperate, the opposite of strong.

But here's the—thing whether we believe in marriage or not, whether we want a long-term partner or not (frankly it's not about any of that), we're human and we have emotional needs. And the key to having our emotional needs met in any relationship, romantic or platonic, requires an acute understanding of our needs, a belief that we’re worth having those needs met, and the ability to clearly communicate those needs. That sounds pretty damn powerful to me.

So if you're sitting on those deep-seated desires, there's no need to shout them from the rooftops (though by all means...), but know that doesn't make you less than, in any capacity. Love, intimacy, partnership, affection, SNUGGLES, yesss they wax and wane, but they're some of the richest stuff in life. Want what you want. You're still a badass. I promise.

This was previously published on my old website.