What's It's Like to Date as a Dating Coach

That was the question posed to me over dinner last night. I started in with..."well it depends on how much they've Googled me, but generally people are curious about the work..." to which she replied, "No no. How are you on a date? Are you able to pick up on things differently? Do you notice red flags sooner? What's it like...to be you?"

I've had a note in my journal for weeks to write an article around the myths of being a dating and relationships coach. People often assume men miraculously fall into my lap and every date is sheer perfection. While I do operate with more ease (less anxiety of what he thinks of me, what I'm texting, what he is or isn't doing on social media, when we're going to see each other next and so forth) and hold solid agency over my dating life (i.e. I feel in control), I'm still a human being with a big heart and a longing for love and affection.

I met someone recently who I really fell for. Like envisioning babies together fell for. We bonded over Nickelodeon shows of the 90s, the wisdom we find in dogs and our love of grass fed beef. He had character. He had depth. He was kind. I wanted to wrap our bodies around one another and stay put. But, our kisses fell flat. Conversation lagged a little too much. Each date felt weirdly incomplete.

This hurt. It absolutely hurt. Not because I feared I did something wrong or felt rejected. Because I liked him and he liked me but liking each other wasn't enough. There's so much more I could (and will) say on all of this—the guy, the liking, my personal experience dating. But for now know I'm right alongside you, putting myself out there and doing my best to lead with my heart.

This article was previously published on my old website.